.” Getting involved with a separated man usually comes with a host of issues and complications that spell drama, stress and heartache to a woman.
The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.
Shutterstock A couple of days ago a friend and I were discussing another mutual friend–we’ll call her “Roslyn”–who was going through a divorce.
Although the divorce hadn’t been finalized, her and her no ex-husband went their separate ways nearly two years ago.
We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…
I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.
When a man has truly processed his divorce and moved on, he should be able to speak to it with compassion, kindness, and wisdom.
Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.
I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.
Also, it seems that about 40% of the men who state they are divorced are actually still going through the process. That stated, I have come up to some heavy objection from both family and friends – hence I’m here.
They have given many examples of relationships that began quickly after a separation/break-up, so I am beginning to wonder if I am selling myself short – being too rigid.
It is a process that requires time, self-awareness and hard work.